It's over.
I can't-- I can't believe it.
Listen, Richard.
We had a great time.
[laughs] Maybe I even loved you.
But [sighs] times change, you know?
I've got to think about me.
I've got to think about my life.
The Guardian have beenon the phone all morning.
They want me to writethis new pop music column.
So I'm going to Fuji to interview the Fugees,
and then Maui to interviewBowie, and then Malaga
to interview The Gallaghers.
I'm going to be going from placeto place, meeting new people.
I just don't have any time for you.
- But-- - No.
I'm sorry. I really am.
But I think this is best for the both of us.
RICHARD AND DAISY TOGETHER: Inthe long run, you'll thank me.
RICHARD [ON PHONE]: I'mmeeting loads of new people.
And right now, I really don't think that leaves
any room in my life for you.
It's over, Daisy. - It's over.
[sobbing] I can't--
[sniffs] I can't believe it.
[sighs] [click]
[dial tone]
[theme music]
[sighs] Richard's finished with me.
That's hardly surprising, isn't it?
I mean, you were getting offwith people behind his back.
How come he finished with you?
Because I was getting offwith people behind his back.
Well, how did he find out?
Well, I told him.
You know, you-- you told me to tell him.
You said it would clear the air, you know?
Strengthen our relationship.
[laughs] I didn't mean it.
Oh, you're evil.
I'm not the deceiver here.
I'm not the cheating harpy.
You're so damaged.
Just because Sarah hurt you, you feel
justified in wreaking yourpetty vengeance on women-kind.
Yes.
And I'd do it again, I tell you.
I'd do it again in an instant!
[laughs]
[dramatic music]
[glass shattering]
Sorry.
So are you OK?
Yeah.
I'm-- no, I'm fine, I suppose.
I mean, it was inevitable, really.
Neither of us were givingit the time it deserved.
It was-- [sighs] it was my fault. I just--
I feel-- Tim!
What?
You said you were fine.
[thud]
[knock on door]
[door opens]
Brian?
Brian!
[door closes]
Brian?
[ominous music]
[door opens and closes]
BRIAN: [laughs]
[zipper]
No.
Oh, no.
Mm, darn it.
Ah!
Ah.
Oh.
Erm, help me.
I'm stuck.
[loud argument]
[footsteps]
AMBER: Leave me alone!
[door closes]
[footsteps]
Don't think I'm going to tidyit for you little half-wit.
It will remain in that state until you return.
That is you return.
Quite frankly, I don't give two shits
whether you come back or not.
[door closes]
Oh.
[laughs] Hello, kitten.
Fancy of a dab of Rijoca?
Oh, just a splash.
[electronic burst]
[ambient sound of nature]
BRIAN: Can I borrow a tea bag?
Only if you bring it back.
BRIAN: Can I have a tea bag, Brian.
You can't borrow one.
What are you playing?
"Tomb Raider 3."
BRIAN: She's drowning.
Yeah.
BRIAN: Is that the point of the game?
Depends what mood you're in, really.
BRIAN: What sort of mood you in then?
Well, I got a letter frommy ex-girlfriend this morning,
three months too late,explaining why she dumped me.
It was full of "you'll always be special"
and "I'll always love you"platitudes designed to make me
feel better while simultaneouslyappeasing r deep-seated
sense of guilt for runningoff with a slimy little city
boy called Duane and destroyingmy faith in everything
which is good and pure.
BRIAN: So it really didn't work then?
No.It made me want to drown things.
You've got some paint on you.
BRIAN: It's a literal tribute to the self-reflexivity
of Rembrandt.
Did he like it?
He's dead.
Bloody hell, that really backfired.
Tell me all about it, kitten.
Split with my boyfriend.
Oh, well.
I can't say I'm surprised.
I heard Tim shouting atyou a couple of nights ago.
I was shocked. - What?
You stupid cow.
Something about a key.
You can't shoot straight,you big titted bitch.
[laughs] No, no.
That was Lara Croft.
Well, it sounded like Tim.
No, it was Tim.
He was talking to Lara Croft,who is a video game character.
He gets very frustrated when he plays his games.
[laughs]
Was that what the problem was?
What do you mean?
Is that why you're split up?
Because he's got no patience?
[dramatic music]
Shit.
If we pretend we're a couple,this flat could be ours.
TIM: It's madness.
It will never work.
Trust me, Tim.
She'll never find out.
TIM: [MIMICKING DAISY] Trust me, Tim.
She'll never find out
Shut up! Think!
Think!
Think.
I'm thinking.
Thinking.
Could-- Tim and I, couldwe have-- could we have a--
There!
Right in front of you!
--a plate?
Dog!
A dog. [laughs]
TIM: Yeah. Good one.
A dog?
A dog.
'Cause if we had a dog, then it would help
us stay together, probably.
Because it would be like having a child.
Only, you know, hairier, smaller,
wilder, quicker, smellier.
[laughs]
Well, I don't see why not.
Oh, [sighs] well, good.
I've always wanted a dog, actually.
Er!
[laughs] - All right, mate.
Yeah.
[laughs] No.
I'm really looking forward to it.
I think we're going to kicksome serious ass, mo-fo.
Yeah. All right.
I'll see you later.
Over and out.
[panting like a dog] Who was that?
It was Mike.
We're going paint balling later on.
[sighs] I thought he was banned.
No.It was only for six months.
How was that pooraccountant feel about that?
[fireworks]
[whimpering]
I don't know.
Rar!
What are you doing?
Guess what?
Marsha says that we can have a dog.
What?
We can a dog!
Isn't that great?
[imitates barking dog]
Stop it!
[MUSIC - SHOWER SCENE FROM "PSYCHO"]
What you want a dog fore?
You'll only end up seeingother dogs on the side.
[imitates dog howling] But I want to get a dog.
No.
Why not?
What-- what you frightened of?
I'm not frightened of anything.
Why would I be frightened?
[distorted children's music]
[screams]
[dogs barking and snarling]
[screams]
You're scared of them, aren't you?
No.
- Yes, you are. - All right.
I had a minor phobia when I was a kid.
DAISY: How minor?
I had to have counseling.
Really?
I'm sorry.
Well, she said I had canophobia.
I was seven years old.
I thought, great, now I'mfrightened of bamboo, as well.
How many times did you go?
Three or four.
It started to work, you know?
I remember she said to me, you've
got about as much chance of being
struck by lightning as youhave of being bitten by a dog.
So what's the problem?
Well, I was leaving the practice
one day, feeling really sortof well adjusted and happy.
And this fucking great Alsatian just
came haring down the road towards me,
jaws slung with bloody slobber,eyes lit by the fires of Hades'
own eternal damned kingdom.
It leapt into the air.
I remember thinking, this is it.
You know, I'm seven yearsold and this is the end.
Fortunately, lady luck wassmiling at me that day.
What happened?
I got struck by lightning.
- What! - Yeah.
It hurt.
But it scared the shit out of the dog, so--
Was-- so now you're scaredof dogs and lightning?
And bamboo.
[sighs] It's funny really, you know?
I always really wanted a dog when I was little.
But I wasn't allowed one.
Really?
[dogs barking and snarling]
Play with me!
[dogs barking and snarling]
Oh, please play with me!
Please!
I don't know, Daisy.
I'm--
Look, I know I've sprungthis on you, you know?
And you know, and if you don't--
you don't like it, I'll understand.
You know, but I really need this.
You know?
Now, [sighs] I'll do everything for it.
You know?
I'll feed it.
And I'll walk it.
And I'll-- I'll change it's little hutch.
And if you still don't like,then, well, [sighs] we'll--
we'll kill it.
- All right. - Woohoo!
- But not a big one. - All right.
OK. Rar!
[laughs] Sorry. Sorry.
Yeah.
You know, it could be the turning point.
It might help you finallyconquer your fear.
Stop trying to get your own way
by turning everything into a psycho drama that
somehow my benefits me, OK?
I am my own person.
I will deal with my problemsin whatever way I see fit.
[screams] Get it away from me!
[music playing]
[SINGING] Heads and tails.
Heads and tails.
Heads and tail.
Heads and tails.
And whiskers--
[dogs barking]
TWIST: I can't believe you brought me here.
[door closes]
DAISY: I know, it's great, isn't it?
TWIST: It smells. DAISY: Twist!
It smells.
[laughs] Hi.
Hello.
I'm Daisy Steiner.
This is my friend, Twist.
Twist.
Mm, my parents were hippies.
I see.
What can I do for you?
We'd like to buy a dog.
You'd like to buy a dog.
Yes.
I'd like to buy a dog.
Here's-- erm, here.
Have you owned a dog before?
Mm, sort of.
Sort of?
[whimsical music]
Come on, boy.
No.
Now I want you to think very carefully
before you choose a dog.
Can I afford to keep it?
Will I be able to take it forwalks twice a day, if not more?
Can I give it a secure, loving home?
Erm, yes.
[laughs]
[sneezes]
[military marching music]
OK.
Number one, don't eat the paint balls.
Number two, this is just a game.
If you take it too seriously, you're only
going to be hurting yourself.
It's not war.
It's just an exercise in teamwork and tactics.
Go too far, you will get banned.
[thud]
Ah!
Groovy.
Shit.
[gasps] Oh, [laughs] oh.
He's been with us a while now.
It's his last day here. - Why?
Somebody bought him.
No.
Dogs only stay with us for a limited period.
DAISY: Where they go after that?
Heaven?
[laughs] A gay club?
No.
Ms. Steiner.
We put them done.
All of them.
No!
[screams] Come on, Colin, we're taking
you away from this place.
Colin?
That's what I called my box.
[military marching music]
Hi. Dom?
Yeah.
This is Duane Benzie.
How you doin'?
[upbeat music]
[laughter]
Tim, your girlfriend's very beautiful.
Eh.
[laughs]
[MUSIC - SHOWER SCENE FROM "PSYCHO"]
Tim.
Hi.
I didn't expect to see you here.
You never struck me as the outdoor type.
- What? - Oh, listen.
That reminds me.You left some stuff at the flat.
Well, I think it's your stuff.
The bag was full of comics and toys.
I was thinking maybe I'ddrop it round in the car.
Save you the trip.
You stole my girlfriend.
[ominous music]
[sighs] Tim, now, come on.
I didn't want it to be like this.
It wasn't meant to be personal.
You don't choose who you fall in love with.
When you get that feeling, it's like--
Sexual healing.
It's like a force beyond your control.
You know what they say about love and war?
Yeah.
One involves a lot of physicaland psychological pain.
And the other one's war.
[laughs] Talking of which,what team are you on today?
A or B?
We're B.
Ah, me too.
Looks like we'll be fighting side-by-side.
Who knows?
Maybe that's what we need.
[ominous music]
[imitates gunfire noise] Later.
[ominous music]
I've rehearsed that moment a thousand times.
That the first timeyou've seen him since, erm--
Yes. Yes.
I think I was pretty cool.
You know, I mean, I couldhave flown off the handle.
I could have smashed his face in.
You know, I could have set fire to him.
But I didn't. You know?
What are you going todo when you see him next?
I'm going to set fire to him.
DAISY: Hello.
Hello.
Ah, now, you stay there.
You stay there.
Mummy's going to make a cup of tea.
Oh, we're going to be bestfriends and have such fun.
[sighs] Do you want something to eat?
BRIAN: Yes, please.
Where is it then? - [gasps]
[thud]
The-- the little dog?
Ah!
The bandanna, isn't it?
It makes me look stupid.
Oh!
Do you want me to take it off.
Colin!
No, no.
Daisy, it's Brian.
I think you're sitting on my dog.
Oh, my god.
Look, I'll count to three and then stand up.
OK?
I can't watch.
[sobbing]
One.
Two.
Three.
Go! Go!
[dramatic music]
[paint ball guns firing]
[screams]
The flag's to the Northwest.
- How do you know? - I've just seen it.
Ah, this is so exciting.
This your first time, kid?
I'm 36.
This your first time, old man?
Yeah.
I've always fancied myselfas a bit of a soldier.
Yeah.I've always fancied myself.
- I've always fancied you. - Not here.
Have you ever done this before?
You could say that.
What do you mean?
Let's just say the lasttime I was in this situation,
I wasn't using a paint ball gun.
- You've seen combat? - Yes.
Yes, I have.
Where?
Erm, on the television.
But you just said the last time
you were in this situation youdidn't use a paint ball gun.
He didn't.
Well, what did he use?
- It was a big stick.- I'm going for the flag.
- You shouldn't do that. - Why not?
We're deep in enemy territory.
We've got to choose our moment carefully.
This place is swarming with As.
They're not just in thejungle, they are the jungle.
What do you think this is?
Vietnam?
[paint gun firing]
[dramatic music]
Yeah.
[ominous music]
Son of a bitch.
He didn't mean it.
You didn't mean it.
Say, I didn't mean it, Colin.
I didn't mean it, Colin.
No.
Like I said it.
I didn't mean it, Colin.
There.
That's a good boy.
He's beautiful.
Reminds me of my own, Pompom.
I didn't know you had a dog.
BRIAN: As a child.
Yeah.
We used to spend hours playingtogether in the garden.
And I'd dress him up in period costumes
and take amusing photographs.
Loved him so much.
It's tragic, really.
Why?
One day we were playing in the street.
I was taking some pictures of him dressed
as an Elizabethan merchant.
Suddenly something caught his eye.
Maybe it was a straytomcat or brightly colored
ball bouncing out of sight.
It may-- may have been the stick I threw.
But he ran out into the main road.
Exploded onto an articulated lorry.
He blew up?
No.
The weight of the truck on his frail body
burst him like a cheap party balloon,
sending his ruff 40 feet into the air.
[poignant music]
And there, you see?
Such vibrant colors.
[groaning]
That paint ball was meant for me.
He's made this personal.
He made it personal the day heslept with you girlfriend, Tim.
Yeah.
Well, now he's made it more personal.
Erm, I don't think you can get much
more personal than sleepingwith your girlfriend.
For Chrissake, Mike!
Have you consideredthinking about what you're
going to say before you say it?
I suppose you could set upsome sort of mental checkpoint
so you can vet yourthoughts for insensitivity.
Mm, you hate me!
You only hang out with me because of what
happened when we were little.
[poignant music]
Mike!
Mike?
[ominous music]
Mike!
You know, Daisy, this is goingto be a big responsibility.
Dogs are like kids. Want.
He is a little life.
He has needs.
I know, Marsha. I do.
I really do.
I'm not just going to discard him as soon
as he's served his purpose.He's a living thing.
He's not-- he's not justsome kind of novelty toy.
[camera clicks and flashes] - Come on, little Colin!
Dance for me!
[laughs] Dance!
Dance!
Yes, come, Colin. Dance.
[laughs]
[camera clicks and flashes]
Dance. Dance.
[laughter]
BRIAN: Dance! - Oh.
BRIAN: Dance for me!
Dance!
[laughs] Dance!
TIM: Mike!
Mike!
[ominous music]
Mike!
[cell phone rings]
Saved by the bell.
Are you going to answer that?
I've got an answering service.
You've got an answer for everything.
I can't believe you just said that.
Neither-- [chokes and spits]neither can I.
You know, Tim, firing theseguns at such a close range
is very dangerous.
Well, you were just about to shoot me.
In the back of the head.
Yeah.
In the face, it's a lot different.
Look, if we're going to do this, let's
at least be sporting about it.
What do you say, 20 paces?
OK.
[ominous music]
[dramatic music]
Ha!
[click]
[sighs]
[click]
[laughs]
You see, Tim.
That's the difference between you
and I. Organization, carefulthinking, forward planning.
That is why I sleep in thearms of a beautiful woman,
and you spend your eveningsalone in your bed sit.
With cheap porn.
MIKE: Timmy!
[dramatic music]
[paint gun fires]
[thud]
It's not a bed sit.
It's a flat.
[paint gun fires]
[thud]
[screams]
Yes!
No! Mike!
Oh, Jesus, no!
Ah!
[sobbing] Medic!
[sobbing]
Is that you Tim?
[sobbing] No, I'm here, man.Just hold on.
Hold on.
I'm tired, Tim.
Yeah.
Just-- ever-- everything'sgoing to be fine, I promise.
[sobbing] And I'm sorry I said those things.
[sobbing] Oh, god, just--
I wasn't thinking straight.
I can say pretty stupid things myself sometimes.
[sobbing] Oh, Mike, I'm the stupid one.
I've always been the stupid one!
[laughs]
TIM: What are laughing at?
[sighs] I just got to be the her after all.
Yeah.
[sobbing] I guess you did.
I've got to--
I've got to sleep. - No.
No, Mike! Stay with me!
So tired.
TIM: No, Mike.
So tired. Goodbye, old friend.
[sobbing] No, Mike.
[gasps]
[poignant music]
[screams] Do you know, Ireally enjoyed that today.
Me too.
You always enjoy it.
Ah, you know.
I enjoyed it a little bitmore than usual today.
[laughs]
I felt cleansed, you know?
It's been a really good day.
That, my friend, is thebeauty of simulated violence.
[laughs] Let's go pickup Daisy and round the pub.
I can honestly say I haven't got a care in the world.
[thunder rumbles]
Hey!
[non-english speech]
What did you say?
I said, there's a storm coming.
[thunder rumbles]
[ominous music]
[tv static]
[ominous music]
[thunder rumbles]